But, wait...

Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of a thought? Suddenly, you realize your subconscious has run into unfamiliar territory or perhaps it's remarkably like to something you'd rather not admit. That's exactly where I found myself not so long ago.

I was walking down the street, hurrying to get to school. My day starts at 8 am on Mondays and I was worried I wouldn't make it on time. The meeting would start without me. I'd miss devotions.... but, wait! Devotions are on Friday. This morning I'm walking to prayer meeting, muddled Monday mind. I began to slow my pace, relieved. I could slip in a little late and no one would notice. Their eyes would all be shut, after all. Furthermore, I like to listen to devotions, hearing what others have learned and want to share. Prayer, on the other hand, can be hard.

It only took a second for me to reassess my choice. What was I thinking??? I'd rather rush towards a human voice than pray? I'd prefer to hear from a person than from God? Was I suffering from itching ears (2 Timothy 4:3) and a stubborn heart (Psalms 81:11-12)? For a second, it felt like lightning must be about to strike (perhaps a slight exaggeration). I sped up my pace and sent a prayer up on the spot. "Sorry, Lord, for being hesitant to make time for you, for not making you my first priority." I stepped into the room just as the bell rang.

Maybe this doesn't seem like such a big deal to you. You're right. Perhaps you think I'm being overzealous. That may be the case. But, wait! My heart was overflowing and it stank (Proverbs 4:20-27). My feet were straying. I might as well have been stepping through sewage as I meandered to prayer. I thought I wanted to speak with God, to enjoy time with him, but my actions said otherwise. I needed some serious adjustment made to my motivation. I felt a rebuke, calm and gentle. I was called to live in relationship with my Saviour and my presence was lovingly requested.

Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of that thought? Suddenly, you realize your subconscious has run into familiar territory or perhaps it's remarkably new. God nudges. Jesus calls. The Holy Spirit beckons. You have a choice to make. Will you walk closer to the One who knows your name? Will you distance yourself from a life beside your Creator? Love is patiently waiting, but... it's your decision. Each day another step. Each moment a new opportunity. Maybe this doesn't seem like such a big deal to you. Perhaps you think I'm being overzealous. All I know is on that morning walk I took another step closer to my best friend and I don't regret it.